07. 12. 2025
A Year Ago…
Folks, last November – just over a year ago now – I decided to move to France.
I’ve answered the question “What made you decide to move to France?” on both sides of the pond.
A year later feels like a good time to reflect back on what I was all about at the time.
The decision was made on November 6th – yes, that day – but it wasn’t a decision I made as an escape from the election results.
I tell folks that the outcome did not drive the decision, but at the same time, the election result was a catalyst.
If you’re not interested in anything political (even lightly so), this isn’t one you’ll want to read. I re-worked it several times in an effort to make it as neutral as possible, but as I watch from here I’m absolutely floored.
I believe there’s no such thing as neutrality, silence says as much as shouting from a podium does. This is not a moment where quietly staying the course is a viable option.
So, if you came just looking for Holiday inspiration, scroll to the end.
How can it be both not about the election and triggered by the election???
Let me try to make sense of this…
For years I had been talking about moving to France as some future, intangible life that I’d deserve after ten or fifteen years more hustle.
At the same time, my relationship with a culture that told me I have to struggle to prove my worth had been shifting almost imperceptibly.
Somewhere along the way, I had loosened my grip on the belief that I had to have a million dollars in the bank to be safe, as well as the idea that my worth is tied to something outside of me:
the brands I use
my company and career
my workout routine
… my indentification with some political party that only sees me as a voter and donor.
The cracks were showing in how I felt about the country that had shaped me, but any dis-ease I felt was overshadowed by the comfort and predictability of benefits and a consistent paycheck.
It was like a relationship where nothing specific is obviously wrong on the surface, and yet, things aren’t quite right. I was living between two options: more of the same, or something different – and more of the same always feels so safe, so reasonable.
But, just like the beginning of the end for any relationship, the day eventually comes when a little whisper becomes audible…
“I only have one choice: Something Different.”
And so, the day after the election, I rolled over in bed and looked at my phone, as one does these days – I saw the results with familiarity (2016) and a resigned calm. The voice was no longer whispering, and I knew it was time for the breakup.
“NOW IS THE TIME.
YOU ARE AS FREE AS YOU’LL EVER BE.
YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU’RE DOING HERE ANYWHERE.
GO.”
It was like it was saying, “Why are you still here???”
. . .
I wasn’t thinking about the election results in that moment of clarity.
I was thinking about my life – about what it felt like to wake up everyday in a society I’d bent myself into a pretzel to make regard me with adoring eyes. I had been trying to trick it into treating me the way I wanted to be treated… into loving me.
I’d been convincing myself I still loved it.
In doubling down on, at best, an accident borne out of complacency and ignorance, and at worst an ideology antithetical to everything I believe, the country had shown me it wasn’t going to change just to suit me.
Given that I’ve sworn to never arm wrestle someone (or something) into loving me, I knew that this wasn’t the partner I needed or wanted.
Somehow the election result unlocked something that allowed me to realize the outcome would be the same for me whether I adjusted course now or down the road.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had a moment like this (I’ve had several), but it’s not something you just ignore.
The only response is, “Well, this is it.”
I immediately started telling everyone – I keep my word, and I knew that telling folks meant I absolutely could not chicken out.
As I reflect back on that time, I’m so grateful for those who enthusiastically got behind this adventure. It is such a gift that I’ve met so many folks that have taught me how to celebrate others’ success, to truly take joy when others are really feeling themselves.
That’s not something I’d always had, nor that I was always capable of doing for others.
But, I’ve learned how good it feels to have folks be truly supportive and happy for me, and to give the same in return. Now that’s my baseline for what healthy relationships look like.
“Hatred is not the opposite of love, indifference is.”
And, though I didn’t know where this reflection was going to lead, maybe the above quote sums up what was really beneath it all in that moment of decision.
Once I admitted it was over, I could openly acknowledge everything that had not been sitting right with me…
I no longer had to pretend that I still felt the love.
I rolled over in bed that morning and saw a stranger – even more, something I really just didn’t like. Me and my country, we we were no longer a team.
I saw a place where really knowing (let alone celebrating) our neighbors and colleagues is barely comprehensible. Outside of outright competition for what we believe to be scarce resources, our excuses run the spectrum from a self-important lack of interest to a weary lack of energy.
In the US everything felt increasingly contrived to separate us more and more from each other: manufactured scarcity, silos and isolation at work, the mediation of relationships through apps, the hyperbolic and polarizing skew of social and mass media…
… identification with things and ideologies rather than people.
Disagree? Read any comment thread on something about remote work and see how many folks say they “get nothing” from knowing colleagues not on their teams, and that it is a “total waste of time” to socialze with folks they don’t work directly with. Maybe you’ve said it yourself…
None of this, the indifference, sits well with me.
As annoying as we all can be at times, I still like people, and I believe I can learn a ton from meeting folks I normally wouldn’t be in contact with.
. . .
From my perspective, the US has also become a place where many have stopped listening to the whispers inside themselves that tell them that they deserve better.
It’s become a place where folks have forgotten themselves and must silence the inner voice reminding them that life has more to offer them just to be able to keep pressing on.
The country has become indifferent to me and to many others. It has forgotten that our uniqueness is what’s endearing about us, and it requires that we also become indifferent to ourselves and to our needs if we’re going to keep making it work.
I’d been ruminating on all of this for a few years, and that morning I admitted that these had become deal-breakers. I realized, moreover, that I didn’t need to keep making an effort to squeeze the deeper connection I desired out of an unyielding partner.
I don’t want to leave you on a grinchy note, this is not a failed love story.
I don’t believe in zero sum games, or subscribe to the sunk cost fallacy. It’s not about winning and losing, and Nothing – no experience, no effort, no relationship – is ever wasted. It’s not necessary to stay the course to wrestle out a W over someone or something – often, the journey is the point.
I’ve learned over the years that leaving places behind doesn’t mean leaving the people and experiences behind. Just as being in the same space does not magically make people love each other more, distance does not proportionately diminish love.
Knowing that is what has made it possible for me to say that I have no regrets in this move and I don’t really miss the US (save Seahawks Sundays, all of the snow Chicago is getting, and some random items from Trader Joe’s).
I broke up with the country, but I kept the family.
Friends, I am missing our holiday traditions and just being together. Consider it a win that I’m not there forcing everyone to say what they’re thankful for before we can eat.
One thing that I love, and that openly loves me back, is the holidays!
For those who love this time of year (everything after Halloween) like I do, sharing a glimpse of how the season is shaping up over here!
Below – pictures from around Bordeaux and Strasbourg
The French apparently get into the season as much as I do!
Below are things I’ve snapped from September on…
Many are from the trip I just took to Strasbourg and the nearby town of Colmar. I kept forgetting that I was still in France as the region has changed hands from France to Germany multiple times in history. That means that it has a very German flavor – literally, they’re known for their sauerkraut.
That also means that they know how to do Christmas 😀
You can click on the images to enlarge them… Yes, there is a Stranger Things tree.
7 Responses
Missing you and still so excited for how you’ve landed. You can take the girl from the family but we’ll stay in her heart. Ready to come spend the holidays with you next year, even if just for a little glimpse of it and you! Happy Holidays my friend!!
💕 Let’s goooo! Would love to have you here for the most wonderful time of year 😀
Absolutely beautiful! Looking forward to spending time with you in March.
‼️ we’re going to have so much fun 😀
Reflection… a worthwhile and inspiring thing to do. I need to follow your lead! As far as your first holiday season at your new home, LOVE. 👀👀👀 2026!
So looking forward to what the next year brings! You know jamiroquai is touring on this side 👀
Just getting caught up on the last couple posts and enjoying so much following along here. All of your photos are great! From the fall foliage to all the Christmas trees (loved seeing all the different styles). Your tree and mantle are especially beautiful. And I’d be remiss to not mention that wine aisle 😍. Thank you for sharing, Alisha! Now on to read the next post 🤓