15. 06. 2026
Nick Hustles – A Dope Ass Day
Today’s gonna be dope.
You’re so brave. I wish I could do that.
I’ve mentioned (several times) that this has been said to me a lot in the past, and even still, here in Bordeaux. In fact, many of my new friends have heard the same – particularly the single women.
It seems that there is something exceptionally bold about doing a move like this… solo… with pets…
I’ll grant that the cats are a whole thing – Vinnie has gained all of his weight, plus about two lbs back – but honestly, this whole idea of bravery and courage have been on my mind for quite some time now.
Having folks say that something I’ve done is brave has always taken me by surprise.
Not because I don’t think what I’m doing doesn’t take effort or some kind of strength, but because it just doesn’t feel courageous…
courage
noun
cour·age ˈkər-ij ˈkə-rij
Simple Definition: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty
VENTURE: to proceed especially in the face of danger; an undertaking involving chance, risk, or danger; to expose to hazard
With the above definition in mind, why have all of the big life changes I’ve made (not least of which, moving to France) not felt as bold as I realize they actually were when I look back in hindsight?
Because, in doing those things, I never felt a sense of hazard or danger.
Taking the steps I need to take to get the better outcomes I’m seeking has never felt dangerous – at least at the outset.
If we consider the PUSH > PULL motivations of being repelled by pain and compelled by a vision, the push has played a huge role in any big decision I’ve made. But, for me, the fear or pain has always been in staying in uncomfortable situations, in not changing.
Assuming that things that aren’t working without ongoing struggle and constant friction will somehow just get better feels like truly taking a chance. So, for me, staying put has always been the most courageous path, because I just don’t trust that something that feels bad will someday feel good – it’s never happened for me… except for in spin class. It works there.
So, it hasn’t been facing, but turning away from fear that has consistently pushed me to make big choices. It hasn’t ever been bravery that’s driven me to act.
⭗ ⭗ ⭗
As a counterpoint to illustrate the difference, I submit a friend of mine.
She’s called her life in the states a solid seven out of ten – that’s pretty good.
She had a great job, a big condo in a desirable city, a nice car… She also has two young adult daughters, a mom she’s close to, a beloved cat. In short, moving to France meant giving up a life that didn’t have much discomfort to compel her in a different direction.
The life she was living was comfortable, and shaking that up was the scary choice.
She told me that one of the things that kept her on course as she plotted the move was reminding herself that she didn’t have to get on the plane on that final day – she could always change her mind.
She obviously didn’t.
For her, this move was absolutely courageous.
⭗ ⭗ ⭗
Does that then make me a coward?
No.
In my case, moving to France was neither a question of bravery nor of cowardice.
It was naivete.
When I think of someone who is naive, I think of a person who is optimistically confident.
As the dictionary puts it, someone who is credulous, “full of confidence and naivety due to ignorance or inexperience…” Someone “too ready to believe that something is real or true.”
It’s like when we were kids and we said what we wanted to be when we grew up. It was usually something lofty, like astronaut or president. We had no idea how much work or adversity we might face to make it happen… and that’s why we were able to say we’d be that with such confidence.
Whether I’d kept living the (not so bad, stable) life I had, or dropped it all for a wholly different adventure, I’d end up tracing my choice to the same enabling characteristic – I was confident, inexperienced, and ready to believe that my choice would continue to move me down the path toward the life I envision (without getting beat up along the way).
While someone who is brave is moving forward with the hardships and challenges in view – and facing them nonetheless – the naive person (me) goes into the fog of the unknown without realizing that there should be something to fear.
A CASE FOR NAIVETE
The fact is, unlike my friend, I am a chicken – not a coward, just very conservative about how much pain I’m willing to endure in facing down big, scary things.
Had I had knowledge of the challenges that lay ahead on many of the paths I‘ve embarked on, I likely wouldn’t have done many of the things I’ve done.
I think that’s how many of the folks I’ve met end up here – optimistic, not facing down boogeymen, but instead leaving them behind. The smiles on our faces are facilitated by at least a hint of idealistic inexperience.
So, I’m grateful for my ignorance.
It seems to me that it’s far easier to move forward when you don’t spend too much time worrying about what the future might hold, or evaluating what the challenges may be.
I’m happy to be where my under-considered decisions have taken me… even after the rose-colored glasses have been slapped off and I realize I had no idea how much tenacity it would really take to do what I’ve done.
Therefore, to my fellow chickens out there, I’d say that a readiness to believe without knowing any better has the potential to take you so many places you might not otherwise go. Take me as an example of how this variety of naivete can put you in company with the brave without having to be so yourself.
That’s because, in the end, moving forward bravely or blindly both require confidence and credulity. The brave and the naive are both willing to believe that the path chosen is leading to someplace better than where they currently are.
Moral: I don’t think we have to be brave to do big things.
I just think that we have to allow ourselves to believe in something better.
It’s that Push >> Pull… Discomfort pushes until we can catch whiff of… what is that? Croissant?
Full disclosure, I’ve incurred a number of scrapes and bruises naively facing unforeseen challenges. Many times, I’ve had to call on all of my resolve and perseverance to muddle through. Still, I don’t call those acts of pushing through “courage,” because the fear was on the side of what it would mean if I didn’t press on toward my goals.
TO DO OR NOT TO DO…
I’m not one for acting impetuously. I’m totally not advocating for jumping around from thing to thing based on feels, and I don’t think we always need to be trying to be or or do something different.
I just believe we deserve the best this life can offer us within our given circumstances.
In the end, no one way (doing or not doing) is automatically, always better than the other. To take liberty with a Jane Austen quote, a choice is good or bad “only as the event decides.”
This seems to me to be how we measure the imaginary line between courage and naivety…
We tend to think that if something works out, the act was courageous, and if it doesn’t, we call it naïve. I’ve been lucky enough to have made some of my best choices out of uninformed over confidence – proceeding when I didn’t even know enough to be scared.
Because it has worked out for me, I get to be called brave.
…But bravery wasn’t necessary.
Taking a challenging path is not something that necessarily has to be feared. We don’t always have to muster our inner warrior to act, one could just as easily turn to their inner seven-year-old.
⭗ ⭗ ⭗
If you really want something, but doing it feels scary, I’m not going to tell you to follow the quote, “be afraid and do it anyway” – unless we’re talking about roller-skating or something…
*Do that – she says to no one as the wrist guards sit unused in the basement.*
Instead, I’d encourage you to weigh the faith and the fear…
What’s scary about doing the thing?
What’s scary about not doing it?
What are you confident about either way, and why?
Maybe moving in the direction of (or even staying the course toward) something desired doesn’t require you to be more courageous. Maybe it just needs you to be credulous enough to believe doing what you want is the less scary option.
Post Script: In spite of the heat…
The other day I was killing time before a French lesson and decided to test out a treat from a new cinnamon roll place. These things are huge, and I’d stopped to stare in their window several times debating whether this was the day – reminscent of 30-year-old me passing Cinnabon at the mall. Obviously, younger me never questioned whether it was a good choice.
Anyway, roll in hand, I sat down at Cathédrale Saint-André, which dates back to the 11th century… royalty has been married there. NBD. I pull out my phone, and what memory should pop up but a video I had taken of that same square the first time I’d stumbled upon it – two and a half years ago.
The weather was the same, warm with a light breeze… In the video there were happy tourists strolling and gazing up in awe – the same way they always do, the same way I have many times. The short clip captured the echoing saxophone that had compelled me to capture the perfection of that moment… I remembered how I’d immediately sent to a group thread with my brother and sister.
This flashback snapped me out of the everydayness of now living here.
I live about an eight minute walk from that square, and I pass it regularly – usually double-timing it on the way somewhere. It’s become so normal to see it almost daily that it was something to slow down and remember the amazement I felt in seeing it for the first time.
More than that, I thought about what would have happened if present-me had come up and told then-me that I’d be living a short walk away in less than three years.
Aside from questioning whether the time-space continuum had been irreparably torn, I would likely have told her to get the f outa town. I may have wanted to punch her in the throat for telling lies.
I definitely would have been like, “And HOW do you propose I make such a ridiculous thing like that happen?” Remember, I’m a chicken.
…But, here I am.
So, I guess you just never know…
Anyway, I feel like I should feel guilty for how much fun I’m having… but I don’t.
In Bordeaux, apéro in the park season has started, and the terraces are full… We’ve had our first canicule, aka, wicked hot heat-wave. I’m currently hiding in a heavily shuttered apartment from another one.
Union Bordeaux Bègles (UBB) won the Rugby Champions Cup for the second year running! Last year I had no idea what was going on, but the city was lit – I made sure to get in on it this time around since I’m determined to become a real rugby fan.
I was able to go to Luxembourg last month to see Dermott Kennedy. And… Just getting back from seeing Bad Bunny in Madrid!
It was one of those things that started with, “we should…” and ended with eating tapas and discovering the joys of vermut at the Mercado de San Miguel. Turns out The Pope was there at the same time – totally not on the radar before we got there, but my friend Ali and I decided it’s the Barbenheimer we need right now: #leobenito.
Photo dump from recent adventures below…
3 Responses
Love you living your best life! 💜💜
I feel like I see bravery n life mostly as having the courage to do things everyone talks themselves out of.
I like that. I do have to shut myself up often, haha