24 . 03 . 2025
I’ve done a lot of things the hard way over the years. A point of pride has been that not only can I tell you some right ways to do things, but I have a longer list of how not to do them, and why…because I’ve tried.
In fact, my super power has long been my ability to overcome obstacles. To persevere in the face of challenges, to solve problems. So much so, that over time I have come to take that on as my identity – to the extent that it has become almost impossible to disentangle my sense of self from the struggle.
As things in my life have started to open up – as my experience and skill have started to make things flow more easily – I’ve actually continued to struggle.
If I’m not pushing for something, if I’m not overcoming an obstacle, if I’m not demonstrating dogged perseverance… is it worth it? Have I even earned the end reward?
I submit to you a very unpopular belief in our society – something I am still learning…
We need not be martyrs to deserve and achieve success and find fulfillment. Life can (and should) be challenging, but it ought not be consistently hard.
What do I mean by that?
Preparing for my move to France recently spotlighted this point to me…
First of all, I’ll say not to wait 20+ years to purge the things that you’re holding onto – not just the physical items, but the outgrown version of you and your life that these things represent.
Moving across an ocean requires getting really honest about what baggage to take along, both literally and emotionally. It is a physically messy and psychologically unsettling exercise. You know, sitting on the floor in dust and piles, rifling through past lives, having to look back and let go in order to move forward.
I’ve snapped more than once in this process.
The other day, overwhelmed with all of the decisions I had to make about what I’m leaving behind and what has to be done to embark on this new life, I broke…
I froze in a defensive position, unwilling to budge in any direction.
Stifled by worry in that moment, I knew I had to step away. I went for a walk through the cemetery near me, my peaceful place, to clear the angst.
In the crisp air with my mangy coyote friend – away from the dust bunnies, decisions, and piles of stuff, clarity hit:
Just because you’re fully capable of being successful at something doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.
This was always going to be challenging – in fighting against the challenge, in trying to make it frictionless, you’re making it hard.
There is no world in which this was going to be without effort and growth.
Roll with it.
The Monkey
In moments like this, I often think about the story of the monkey with his hand in the cookie jar… He clamps his fist around a cookie and starts yanking wildly to try to get it out, but his fist is too big to pull it out of the jar.
If he would just let go of his deathgrip on the cookie, he could easily get it out of the jar.
When I catch myself being the manic monkey I start singing 38 Special’s Hold On Loosely in my head…
Just hold on loosely
But don’t let go
If you cling too tightly
You’re gonna loose control
The song is about some lady, so what do these words mean to me?
Keep the object of your desire in view – don’t quit – but also don’t try to control the process.
Turns out the path of least resistance is the one where you loosen your grip and resist less.
And that’s what I will say to you as I continue to remind myself of the same… Before you start fighting and struggling, ask yourself a few questions:
Do you have the tools and resources you need?
Do you have the skills and knowldge you need?
Have you grown through challenges like this before? You totally have.
Okay then!
Lean into the unknown.
Loosen your grip on how you feel things should go to better work with how they are.
Thank yourself for the ingenuity and effort that has gotten you this far, and then use that ingenuity to adapt and develop new tools for where you are now.
Allow yourself to go where you are going, without wanting to punch the whole dang process in the face.
On the Flip Side…
Something for you to just marinate on – if a situation is consistently hard, it might not be for you.
Please know that that is absolutely okay.
Over my 25 year career spanning sales and academia, I have seen this a lot – folks feeling like they just need to stay the course. Folks feeling like they’ll be seen as quitters or losers if they change direction to do something that better suits their skills, to do something that lights them up.
If you have a circumstance that gives you that crunchy feeling in the pit of your stomach, don’t ignore it.
Ask yourself why in order to determine whether you could adjust your approach to the situation, or if the direction you’re heading is merely not taking you where you want to end up.
Ca y est.
Guys! I am just one week out from the big move, and I have to share that getting this blog post up has definitely been a “hold on loosely” moment…
If I’m honest, I’ve been cavalier about my tech chops – I’ve taught myself how to use dozens of platforms, afterall! With everything else going on, this monkey’s paw has been clinging to some cookies.
Perhaps I should’ve also talked about putting too much on one’s plate… Moving to France? Why not learn how to build a website and start a blog?
Brilliant.
No matter – It’s all happening!
Vinnie is down to a sexy 14.5 lbs, my place is in utter disarray, the movers come in a few days… and my head is spinning.
It’s an odd feeling to have worked my way through the checklists – packing, plane tickets, peopling – and, yet, have no clear picture of what it’ll be like on the other side. With all of this planning, it’s funny to think that the adventure – the thing itself – hasn’t even started.
It’s gonna get weird, and I’m looking forward to sharing what weird looks like.
3 Responses
Needed to hear these words – thanks! Enjoy EVERY moment of your adventure!
I’m so glad this resonates – Thanks, Em!
My favorite line was “we need not be martyrs to deserve and achieve success and find fulfillment.” I feel like France is teaching me this slowly. Safe travels!!